sailing the sea of life

he made me cry happy tears because he loves me so much...he said it describes just how he's been feeling...

-and i gotta find my phone to tell ya-

"pumpkin i love you"

the euphoria was just wonderful...and now i'm floating along on a high...

its been fabulous falling back in love with him...

i wrote this to steph which says it well...

...either way by the twang came on and he said it summed up how he's feeling...made me cry happy tears...i love him so much my emotions take me all over the place and he's my anchor against the storms...gods its been awful at times...we skirted the brink a couple of times but we've got through it...when i think of everything we've been through and also everything we've achieved i'm so proud of us...and confident i've chosen the right husband...and this coming from someone who has seen marriages fail left right and centre and wasn't interested...

Yeah I feel better today, I think that shit was just a phase,
My whole outlook's changed, I've even stopped feelin' strange.
I can understand why you was mad now,
Why should you be the one who has to loose out, just cuz I'm on one?
I said "I'm always gonna have shit going on!"

I feel so much better today, chase the bad things away.

I was glad I turned the corner man, cuz I was sick of feelin rough
I was getting paranoid about the silliest of stuff.
I was at me wit's end pulling my hair out, I'd just about had enough.
And all I needed was a hug and that little bit of love.

I feel so much better today, chase the bad things away.

And I really do feel so much better, I really do feel so much better.
And I've gotta find my phone to tell ya,
maybe even write you a love letter.
Eitherway I've gotta tell ya, eitherway I've gotta tell ya,

I feel so much better today, chase the bad things away.

And yeah I really do feel better and it almost don't feel right,
So im gonna store this thought away for a bit,
And I'm not saying it aint gonna be hard at times,
Cuz it's always your favourite top you blim,
but think man it could have been your skin.
And I think we might just be OK, but what does it matter either way,
cuz she's the one that's always there.
Yeah she's the one that always cares.
Yeah she's the one that always there.
Cuz your the one that always cares.
I love ya.
I've godda find my phone to tell 'er
Ahhh, maybe even write you a love letter.
Ahh, eitherway I've gotta tell ya, eitherway I've gotta tell ya,
Ahh eitherway I've gotta tell ya, eitherway I've gotta tell ya,
Eitherway ... eitherway eitherway ... (... lots of eitherways ...)

went out last night and had a fantastic time!

i'd woken up all stressed out because it was heeley festival and i thought the cafe was going to be too much for me...simon wasn't very understanding which made me worse i think but when i got to work i told nikola and she was a superstar about it and after a couple of hours of being there i'd pulled myself together and was actually enjoying it i'd been looking forward to simon coming all afternoon but when he got there he was really stressed and wasn't very nice to me which upset me and we had a row in the car...we wnt for a walk around the festival and i felt like i'd done something worng and that he was upset with me...when we got back we weren't talking to each other til antonia came round and then i got a load of stuff out to her while simon was in the room...antonia looked after isaac for us while we went for a fag and we had a talk about things which cleared the air some...i said i didn't want to go out cos i'd gfot a busy day tomorrow and simon said why? so i said cos i want to make a nice day for you and he said 'behave - go out and enjoy yourself for once' so i did! i think this was good practice at being selfish cos if i try and please him all the time it seems to backfire so maybe i need to have faith in our relationship and the fact he loves me and please myself cos simon wants what i want too...

so...kaz came round and we got ready, i was wearing my green and yellow dress, black trousers, flip flops, chakra necklace and my hair in plaits...i felt beautiful and ready to go out and have a good time...we met laura, kathryn and leanne in the forum bar for a couple then went to the pool hall above where i got IDed! then we went to walkabout and there was a live band on who were really good...just as the music was getting good in walkabout we left and went to flares which was pants as usual and cost 4 quid to get in but it was a real ego boost as i knew i was one of the best looking people in there! a guy stroked my chin as we were walking past - ego boost! so after a torturous half an hour or so in there we went to casbah...finally!!! having a good time...i instantly relaxed and i undid my plaits and got to some serious dancing...the music was great and we had the best time...kathryn kept getting chatted up by loads of men and i had a sweet guy compliment me on my dancing and ask if i was single,...it felt good to be pulled and it felt great to say i was married...i felt like i was a gorgeous little hippy who was giving off happy vibes, and i was obviously attractive as i had men looking at me from everywhere...

all in all a great night!!!

mood: not really sure...

so it could have been a stressy down day but in hindsight i got on with it and made good things happen for me and isaac and then got what i wanted at the supermarket...brill...